Breaking Free from External Validation

Jun 03, 2024
blog image - Breaking Free from External Validation

We often find ourselves touching the edges of our true selves, only to pull back as if touching a hot fire, hesitant to embrace our human and soul selves as one. Instead of integrating our inner wisdom and knowledge with our human identity, we pull back into the familiarity of our human selves because we believe learning something new in this form will illuminate what is missing.


So, we keep learning new frameworks and searching for different paradigms because we are not where we want to be. By learning something new, we are under the impression that we'll have more clarity in what we do, allowing us to perform better in our careers and achieve even more. 


However, what happens is that we keep going back to the beginning. 


We return to the same point of awareness, hoping that something will unlock inside us so that we will see it differently this time. Instead, we remain in the same cycle of our awareness, even though things have progressed. In essence, there is an illusion of progress because, in reality, our perception has remained the same.   


The Fear of Embracing Authenticity 

And so, the cycle continues, a never-ending loop of seeking new knowledge, hoping to stumble upon the key that unlocks the door to clarity and, ultimately, success in life. This is how we cling to our human selves, rather than embracing our true selves. 


There are also different philosophies and thoughts around what is considered our true selves and where they come from, but in essence, it is viewed as when an individual transcends societal roles, the ego, and external influences in life. Instead, we embrace the essence of who we are—as our true selves.


However, from my perspective, our true selves contain two aspects: the human self and the soul self. The human self encompasses our rational and emotional sides, while the soul self represents the spiritual and intuitive dimensions. This dichotomy within ourselves creates internal confusion—a paradox in our perspective—challenging us to harmonize it into a single, cohesive viewpoint—our true self.  


Therein lies the challenge of being our true selves and living authentically. How do we know when we are truly authentic? We often define authenticity as being true to our values, desires, and beliefs, but these can change over time. So, what is the answer?


Only you know—and what you know about yourself evolves over time. This continual change and evolution creates a fear of embracing our true selves. But remember, this fear is natural. We fear the unknown aspects of who we really are and who we might become and is a part of the journey to authenticity.  


For example, consider a career path that initially feels right. Over time, as challenges arise, you question whether you made the right decision. You work hard to stay on this path, but increasing pressures and doubts about your future lead to internal conflict. This inner turmoil feeds the fear of being authentic and true to yourself.


So, instead of embracing your true self, you seek more knowledge about the industry, career, and personality models, hoping to understand yourself better within these frameworks. However, true understanding comes from embracing both your human and soul selves as one, allowing yourself to follow its guidance, and trusting what it shows you. Remember, you are the one who holds the key to your true self. 


The Pursuit of Knowledge

Our thirst for knowledge and seeking ways to learn more about who we come from our human selves. We have a deep desire to learn more about our world and ourselves. However, knowledge is just information if we comprehend it only mentally without going into a deeper reflection.


When we fail to pause to reflect deeper into our newfound knowledge, we miss out on its true value. Instead, we often find ourselves moving from one piece of information to the next, attempting to string together a coherent narrative of our learning.  Then, if we can't extract a deeper meaning from it in this way, we simply move on.  Without pausing to reflect, this relentless pursuit of knowledge hinders our understanding of ourselves, becoming a distraction.


What has occurred is that at a certain point in this process, acquiring more knowledge now has become a distraction from self-discovery. Instead, it becomes a way to seek self-validation and cling to our human selves—our human identity—by accumulating more information outside of ourselves.


Now, I'm not saying that learning is negative. It depends on the intention behind it. 

For instance, gaining knowledge for a degree, certification, or career advancement is purposeful. On the other hand, seeking more degrees and certifications without an apparent reason or purpose indicates avoiding doing deeper self-exploration. In other words, it's essential to know whether you seek knowledge for a specific purpose or intent or if it is to prevent a deeper exploration of yourself.


The Illusion of Progress

We often view life progression as doing more—more schooling, more knowledge, higher positions, higher-paying jobs. It's as if we chart our lives on an XY graph, where the line must continually rise. A rising line signifies progress, while any downward movement is perceived as failure, prompting us to take action to move the line back up again. This up-and-down movement pushes us to gradually inch the line even higher up on the graph.


Additionally, we want this graph to align with our evolution from childhood to adulthood and conform to societal expectations of social progress, such as getting married, having children, and accumulating a nest egg for retirement.  However, living our lives in this way is an illusion of progress. There is no predetermined trajectory of life. We evolve without knowing what to become even if we know the destination because we continuously adapt to new circumstances and environments.


More importantly, our lives have no definition. It is shaped by our choices. We create our narrative, and it can change at any moment, depending on what we decide. Our decisions are not considered, nor should they be regarded as regression. Instead, each decision represents a potential that we choose to grab onto at that moment, leading us to the next decision, and so on.


When we see our life as having no fixed definition, we have the power to decide how we want to define it by redirecting our focus from looking outside of ourselves for external validation to within, where we can center on our inner selves—our true selves.  


Take the Steps to Break Free 

Many desire to break free from the cycle of external validation. To do so, we need to transition from compartmentalizing and stringing together our thoughts to integrating the information we've learned through years of training and experience as our human selves with the inner wisdom and knowledge of our soul selves.  


To start this process, it begins with shifting your focus from an external to an internal perspective by:


  1. Recognizing the Starting Point of Awareness: Understand that the starting point of our awareness begins with conflict.  Identifying and acknowledging conflicts instead of hurriedly resolving or bypassing them helps you transition your focus to a higher level of awareness. 
  2. Understanding Consistency with Change: Consistency with change doesn't come from what you do or how you do it.  It comes from who you are and being in tune with your internal flow and rhythm. 
  3. Know There Is Precision in Flow: Precision involves an awareness of your internal flow and rhythm, which translates to consistency in your approach to change.  When you understand your way of internal precision, you anchor your perspective, knowing that your perspective is your true self. 
  4. Speaking Your Soul Language: Recognize and understand what is or isn't your soul language as it is your everyday language.  You can begin by journaling on the following:
    • Reflect on the structure of your language and if there is an intentional psychology behind it. 
    • Think deeply about each word before you speak and when you rush to get it out because you are in a time crunch. What happens?
    • Reflect on the times you regretted what you said afterward, wishing you had communicated differently.


When you begin to take the steps towards Integration, instead of cycling back to where you started at the original starting point of awareness, you will spiral up to an entirely new and elevated form of awareness from Integration. Now, you make changes that are not just repetitions of past patterns but rather entirely new and transformative shifts in perception and understanding, leading you to the authenticity of your true self—where you embrace your human and soul self as one.  


If you've felt a personal connection with these insights, I'd love to hear your reflections and explore how we can uncover your true self together.


Back to all blogs

Breaking Free from External Validation

Jun 03, 2024

Embracing Lifeā€™s Greatest Challenge

Mar 04, 2024

Embracing Your Brilliance: A Path to Success and Fulfillment

Feb 02, 2024